I did something out of my comfort zone recently.

This Saturday I woke up with an important project on my mind. For this project I chose to look my best. So, I woke up early, picked my clothes, showered, did my hair and makeup and was ready to go! On most days this would be a normal occurrence, but, for a working mother of three (during a pandemic) it’s less then normal.

Anyway, I felt cute. I even took a selfie! From the perfect angle of course. You know, the one where you hold the phone super high and tilt your head ever so slightly while giving your camera the look of death. YUP THAT ONE!

So now, I’m ready to start my project. Everyone is sitting around the table and the camera is rolling. Suddenly, all I could think about was how I looked. Were my rolls showing? Am I sitting up straight enough? Are my hips visibly hanging over the seat? Every thought in my mind of me being cute was now out the window. POOF!!!……… GONE! All confidence shot to hell!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was confident in what I was saying. I was sincere and present in the moment, but initially my mind was off to the races! Now after we were done I wanted to see a few photos that were taken. And of course my fears became a reality I looked atrocious!!!

Of Course, like any good wife, I vented to my husband about it that evening.

Here we are in bed and I go off about myself. I tell him that I looked chunky and that I shouldn’t have been in front of the camera. I told him that I need to lose more weight and my current efforts are failing miserably. I told him I looked like a potato!! YUP A POTATO!! Yes, I told my husband that the women of his choosing. The mother of his children, and the one he plans to grow old with looked like trash……..(YIKES)……Then he looks up at me with his big orange eyes and simply says “No, Dinorah, you look like you’re sitting at a table having a conversation”.

He didn’t tell me I was beautiful. He didn’t tell me it’ll be ok. He didn’t play into my self pity. He told me “No”. It was then I realized I wasn’t insulting just myself. I was insulting him. I was talking about his wife. I was talking about someone he loves. In that very instant I made a decision to NEVER insult myself again!

Now, it might be difficult because I tell him how I feel about everything…… but it’s not healthy for him to hear about my feelings all of the time. I came to understand that I’m much more critical of myself then anyone else. I also realized that when I insult myself I’m also insulting him.

Please, hear my heart. It IS ok to speak to your spouse about your insecurities and pain. I’m not saying that it’s not. In fact it’s healthy. However, it’s not ok to verbally abuse yourself and expect your spouse not to hurt from it too. They also have feelings and most of the time they keep it to themselves because of your insecurities. Them saying “NO” should be enough.

So, if you regularly speak ill of yourself please STOP. It doesn’t help, it doesn’t change anything, and it’s just plain RUDE! Love yourself because Christ loves you.

Love always,

MrsNoso